My Thoughts on The Vagina Monologues

People have given a lot of negative reviews regarding The Vagina Monologues, particularly in the Feminist blogosphere, so I was expecting to dislike it more than I did.  My favorite feminist friend [moniker pending?] went to see it with me on Friday, and we both concluded that the best way to review it would be to do a play-by-play of each monologue, individually.  This is a really long post, so I don't blame you if you don't read the whole thing.  Our overall conclusions are as follows:

• There is some man-hate present here.  DO NOT APPROVE.
• Celebration of Vaginas.  APPROVE.
• Outraged dismissal of the capitalist attempt to push unnecessary products on us to convince us that we "smell bad" and are "unclean".  In the words of the monologue, "I don't want my vagina to smell like rain!"  APPROVE.
• Coercion present here.  DO NOT APPROVE.
• Double-standard present here.  DO NOT APPROVE.
• Promotion of Embracing Your Sexuality.  APPROVE.

DISCLAIMER:  You'll understand this review better after you go see it.  Can't hurt, right?  At my school, the proceeds went to benefit a Sexual Health and Trauma/Violence Center.

Keep reading if you're interested in my thoughts on each individual monologue.

1. Introduction. -- Eh.  I know that a lot of women freak out about Vaginas and think they're gross, and it's true that the word isn't sexy.  But did you have to start off the play by reinforcing that fact over and over?  I think I understand what it was trying to accomplish.  I'm just not sure I appreciate it.  Vagina's not an ugly word...it's just a word.  I'd have gone about this a different way.
2. Hair.  -- "You can't love a vagina without loving hair."  Hm.  I appreciate the idea behind this, but I love my vagina, and I don't love hair.  It makes me itch.  The idea of being forced to shave/wax yourself bald by mainstream culture, though, does make this a very meritous monologue, in my opinion.  Good for them for putting it out there, even if I disagree with one of the opening statements.
3. Wear and Say. -- If your Vagina got dressed, what would it wear?  If your Vagina could talk, what would it say?  I really liked this one.  Mine would wear sparkly four-inch high heels and nothing else...when it was feeling sexy.  Some days it would wear sweatpants, some days something in between.  I like that this showcased different personalities in sexuality.
4. The Flood.  -- This is a monologue by an old woman describing her experiences with her Vagina and why she feels like it's a cellar, but once the woman opens up, she begins to describe the flood of -- what is it, natural lubricant?  Right now, it will be called "NL" -- wetness that she experiences when she's suddenly taken aback by a passionate kiss by a boy she's on a date with.  He is disgusted when her arousal spills all over the leather seat of his car and the back of her sundress.  Wow, I was mad at this guy.  I think this monologue accomplished its goal.
5. The Vagina Workshop. -- I didn't even know that Vagina Workshops existed.  Neat.  This describes a woman's discovery of her own sexual autonomy and her control over her own sexuality, transformed from a thing that she once viewed as divine and untouchable to an experience available at her own command.  Lots of emotions involved.  Nice idea.
6. Because He Liked to Look At It. --  No.  No, no, no.  NOOOO.  I did NOT like this one.  I am a strong advocate for the "Yes Means Yes" mentality (though Hugo Schwyzer did point out in a lecture that I highly recommend to you that even though "No means no", yes does not always mean yes.  Not yet.  Often, "yes" means "I'm not sure, but I really don't want to make you unhappy"), and this involved a man coercing a woman into an act with which she was not comforable.  Nice idea that he taught her to love herself and the way she looked, especially given the issues that this woman had with her vagina, but dude, if she doesn't want to show you her lady parts, you do not have permission.  BACK. OFF.
7. I Was 12.  My Mother Slapped Me. -- On a personal note, this one made me remember again how grateful I am to have been raised in such an open, tolerant family.  The part that I remember most strongly involves a girl being punched in the crotch by a boy.  She goes home to tell her mother what happened, clearly upset about the fact, only to be scolded by her mother, who demanded of her daughter that No Boy Ever Touch Her There Again.  Oy, vey.  All too common...in both scenarios.  It's important to call attention to this issue!
8. Not-So-Happy Fact. -- More than anything else, this served as a segue into the next monologue, transitioning from the mostly-humorous to the mostly-disturbing.
9. Say It, For The Comfort Women. -- Sincerest apologies:  I cannot remember what this was about.  Maybe it wasn't performed.  I may have been lost in my own thoughts, as I so often am.
10. My Angry Vagina. -- The best way to describe this is not in words, but in hearts.  I give this monologue many, many hearts, because I absolutely loved it.  My Vagina is angry, too!  Shoving cotton, douches, deodorizers, etc. up it does not make it happy, nor does it make me happy.  Highly recommend this one, as well as switching over to the Diva Cup.
11. My Vagina Was My Village. -- Oh, man.  This one brought to life the horrors of rape and war (in this case, in Bulgaria) more than most things -- possibly anything -- ever have for me.  This was emotionally upsetting, but I don't feel like I'm in a position to say anything else about it, because my knowledge on such topics is so limited.  I lack a lot of perspective here that can only be obtained through experience.
12. The Little Coochi Snorcher That Could. -- Well, if this doesn't bring to light the double-standard that is present in today's society regarding sexuality, I don't think anything will.  This describes a sexual encounter between a 16 year old and a 24 year old.  Both were women, and the 24 year old opens the world of lesbian sex to the 16 year old, who has not found boys to be enjoyable for her.  Okay, that's nice, good for her for discovering her sexuality in such a beautiful way, but if those two had been members of the opposite sex, that would have been considered predation, pure and simple.  This made me mad.  That, and the whole part where the 24-year-old deceived the 16-year-old's mother, but once again, I have no perspective on this and thus no room to talk.
13. Smell. - This blurs in my mind with My Vagina Is Angry, so I don't feel like I can review this very well.
14. A Six-Year-Old-Girl Was Asked. -- Okay.  Sweet and encouraging.  I feel like such a positive view of the vagina is uncommon in young girls, but I had it, and this girl did, which lightens the heart a bit.
15. The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy. -- This was pretty cool, because it outlines the feelings of a lawyer-turned-sex worker.  The area of sex work interests me intensely, and this basically glorifies the joys of making a woman moan and orgasm.  Approval granted.
16. I Was There In The Room. -- This talks about birth.  Neat, but not my style.  Another examination of the wonders of the vagina.